Productive Anticipation

I can't decide how I feel about anticipation. See, when I'm anticipating something like the weekend, it takes forever to happen. I swear there's a little gremlin out there with a huge grudge against me that controls the speed of time. There's just no logical explanation for the way my time works. When I want something to happen, time stops. When I don't want something to happen, time skips hours. It kills me, especially this week when I'm excited out of my mind for the weekend. Based on how long this day felt, I'm pretty sure tomorrow should be Thursday. And yet it's only Tuesday. I almost want to cry.

However, there is this other aspect of anticipation that sortof starts to maybe make up for the awfulness of my grudge-holding time gremlin. My American lit professor likes to call it productive anticipation. This occurs when I anticipate something like a paper. If I didn't care one way or the other, the paper wouldn't get done. But since I anticipate it, I'm productive in actually doing it, and doing it well (at least that's his theory). Well, even though it's only Monday, I've already discovered that for me, this week, his theory really works. I have so much to anticipate this week (and to be ridiculously anxious about) that I've been extremely productive! It's strangely satisfying.

My day started at five o'clock this morning, when I woke up to grade essays for two hours. Not the best way to start out the day. I had class from nine to eleven, and I struggled to stay awake while learning the difference between como and donde, and how to spot the passive voice. Next was a attending a required conference with my professor about a paper, and doing the reading for my one o'clock class. Then class, which I managed to stay awake during, and a lovely walk home. Where grading started all over again, followed by a nap, a Spanish paper, FHE, more Spanish, and more grading. And now I'm here. Productive, right? Unfortunately, tomorrow will be extremely similar, complete with five o'clock wake up. Like I said, I'm ridiculously excited for the weekend. Though not for the sleep, because I guarantee I won't be catching up on that. To be honest, I'll probably be sleep deprived till the end of the semester. Such is life.

And speaking of sleep deprivation, my bedtime has arrived (really it should have arrived two hours ago). But tonight I'm grateful for productive anticipation. Because it's pretty much the only thing that's keeping me going right now. That and the eventual arrival of Friday.